Through the Veneer
by Triskelesque
Summary: Embracing Uncertainty" Edited, Revamped, New style. A story about love, life, and the uncertainty of the future. What will happen to Maggie and her friends as Voldemort gains power? Starts in their 7th year, SBOC, rated for sex, violence, etc. R/R..


Authors Note: Welcome to the new, improved and all around better version of what was 'Embracing Uncertainty'. I was really dissatisfied with how I wrote the first version but loved what I had in my brain. After much consideration I decided to start from scratch and re-post this story seeing as I hadn't even touched it for almost a year. I wanted to work through the block so I started rereading each chapter and was appalled at the writing and overall tone.

So here it is! Please review...I would like the feedback especially for this story, as it is a new version of an oldie that I really do love.

Cheers and enjoy!

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**Chapter One: Trains and Introductions**

"_Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."_

_-James A. Baldwin_

OoOoOoOoO

"Maggie?" Lily Evans voice was so soft I didn't even notice it at first. "Maggie, its time to get on the train." I could hear her, but my feet still couldn't be pried from their position on the landing.

How could I go back and not have my best friend with me? Nothing was ever going to be the same again…my life felt like a large black hole.

Morose, I know…but things in my life as of late have been bleak.

Trust me.

Suddenly hands gripped my slender shoulders from behind, shoving me with a shocking if not volatile force. "Merlin Lily! I'm trying!" I hissed at her in low tones. "When did you get so bloody strong anyway?"

"Just because I don't play quidditch, doesn't mean I have no muscle, now move it, I don't want to miss the train!"

"Ugh, I forgot all about quidditch. You don't suppose Potter would mind if I didn't come back this season do you?"

"Not that I care about that arrogant git, but yes I imagine he would mind a bit. You're the best beater in the entire school Maggs. Why on earth would you quit the team anyways?"

"I don't know if I can play without Dorie." I said quietly as we walked briskly towards the train. Somehow Lily Evans had managed to move me. She really was a sneakily loyal friend.

When she heard me she stopped abruptly and grabbed my hand. The steam from the train was coming out behind her, making her look as though she had steam coming out her ears.

Despite my bleakness, I mentally laughed.

She pulled me to her side and put her other arm around me, giving me a tight, comforting squeeze. "Dorianne would have you committed to St. Mungo's for even saying that. It will be hard, but you have to try and live your life like you did before. They would have wanted that."

A tear glistened on my cheek despite my vow to no longer cry, making me feel vulnerable to everyone surrounding us on the platform. I knew what she was saying was right, but I didn't know how to do that yet. Since the age of seven I had Dorie around me to go exploring, have sleep overs, talk about boys, practice magic, study with…

She had been my best friend since the day we met at my Grand-dads house almost ten years ago, and now she was dead. The Sturgis family had been my family, taking me in when I had no one; making me feel like their second daughter. Now they were gone, lowered into the earth, lifeless and alone, while I for some unknown reason still lived.

"Thanks Lily, thank you for being such a pain in my arse." I quipped trying to lighten the mood.

I didn't want even Lily to know about the guilt I was inflicting on my mind, body and spirit.

"I'm taking that as a compliment." She cracked back.

"You should."

Lily laughed and pulled me onto the train. Every year we looked for an empty compartment, and every year we ended up with the dreadful marauders.

Hopefully this year would be different.

Psh.

Right.

Most girls thought that it was a privilege to sit with the annoying foursome, but Lily and I never really thought so. It always just gave James an opportunity to try hitting on Lily, which led to Lily rejecting him, which in turn led James into making a misogynistic remark and Lily finally slapping him.

As for me, I have the pleasure of being pestered by Sirius Black, who by the way doesn't actually know my real name.

He calls me Mary, stupid git.

Every year he asks me to do his homework for potions, and in compensation he offers to tell everyone in our year great things about me. Peter just sits in the corner laughing every now and then, and Remus usually sits and reads, playing referee when I eventually launch myself at Sirius for suggesting that we swap sexual favors in return for me doing his work.

Honestly! What type of prat says that to a girl whose name he can't even get straight?

Anyway…

Every year it's the same, and every year when I would explode at Black, Dorie would be there with Remus to break us apart and calm us down. Normally, I would spend the rest of my time just entertaining myself with the others girls, but now I wasn't sure what to do.

"Lily, you're not going to be gone for the whole train ride right?" I looked at her with pleading eyes, as if to say, 'I can't handle this on my own'

On my best day I couldn't handle those berks and today was _not_ my best day.

"I should only be gone for a half hour that is if I can find the Head Boy that I am teamed with."

"Hey look!" I was so excited I could barely contain myself. "An empty compartment!"

Things were looking good.

"Fantastic! See things are already looking up!" Lily said practically reading my mind. We swooped into the compartment before anyone had a chance to rob us of our unlikely solitude.

"Well," I said sitting myself down with a depressive sigh. "Looks like we escaped those stupid twits this year eh?"

"I don't know, for them I think that torturing us on our way back is like a tradition. They may seek us out." Lily laughed as she sat beside me.

"I hope their more mature than that." As soon as it came out of my mouth I began to laugh.

Mature? Marauders?

I must be really depressed.

"Good, I'm glad you realized the hilarity of that remark yourself." Lily laughed too, and soon we were in hysterics.

"Why ar...e they such…buffoons!" I was laughing so hard now I had tears running down my face. Lily was no different, her pale skin reddening with the lack of oxygen. We were leaning on each other, trying to keep ourselves upright and not rolling around like ten year olds.

Lily and I always had a way of making ourselves laugh for no particular reason. Dorie never did understand why we had this effect on each other; she would just sit there with an amused expression on her face as we laughed until we could no longer see straight.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here boys?" Damn the owner of that voice!

It was as evil and dark as his last name.

At least that's what I thought of every time I heard it. (Can you blame me?) It could be said that it was a fine voice, but I have never heard anything fine come out of that self centered prat's mouth.

Lily and I looked up though our tears to see the high and mighty marauders making their way into our compartment.

"I hope you don't mind, everywhere else is full." I looked at Remus and smiled. He really was a polite person, although I often wondered how he became a known marauder with such a quality.

"Potter, I am sure there is somewhere else for you to go." Lily looked furious. Although her face was already red from laughing, I could already tell that he was on her last nerve.

"Now Evans really, I have a perfectly good excuse for being in here." Lily just glared at him.

"Honest, I do! You're Head Girl this year right?"

"Yes I am, a prospect that should frighten you lot." Lily said with a wave of her hand.

"I think it frightens all." Sirius' reply was quick but didn't go unnoticed by the newly appointed Head Girl.

"Shut up Black. Now what do you need Potter?"

"Well, we need to get to the heads compartment for the meeting before we go on patrols and I thought maybe we could go there together." He said this in a quick manner, he new Lily too well and most likely had prepared for her reaction.

This was going to hurt the eardrums.

"What!" She jumped off the seat and looked around a bit wild eyed. "Impossible, you can't be Head Boy!"

Ow, I was right.

"Well I am, and if you don't mind," He said sharply. "I think I will head up to the meeting now." James turned and left the small box we inhabited, his head and shoulders slumped.

"Lily, if it's possible, I think you may have hurt his feelings." I looked up at Lily and gently pushed her forward. "Go on Lils, if anything you don't want to be late for your first meeting."

That finally wrenched her back into reality. Lily Evans was never late for anything.

"Will you be alright?"

"Half an hour you said? I think I can handle that." I faked a smile trying to convince her that I was fine.

"Right well, if you do need to throttle Sirius I might just turn a blind eye yeah?"

"Hey! This is what I was saying Moony. She's going to be the end of us!" Sirius erupted.

I looked over at Black and just said, "Then I suppose you should choose your battles wisely."

"Good luck." Lily muttered at me as she slid the door closed behind her.

Damn.

Now what?

I decided to turn towards the window and distract myself, but I soon realized that this was a mistake. Seeing the trees and sky speed past me I recalled my first trip to Hogwarts. Dorie and I had found Lily and the three of us had become instant friends. We all wanted to be Gryffindors and it looked like we were going to get our wish during that first night, but sadly that evening Dorie was put into Ravenclaw whilst Lily and I ended up getting going to Gryffindor.

Sitting and sorting through my memories, I thought about how even though Lily and I thought the marauders were lousy lazy jerks; Dorianne had the biggest crush on Remus.

She would never have the chance to pursue it, like she planned. That thought alone made my heart collapse. This summer, we had mapped out everything…a plan that would get her and Remus together for the Winter Ball.

Sad as it is to admit, it was the best time I had all summer.

Lily was convinced that Remus liked her back, and wanted to do anything that could help them past their shy tendencies.

But Dorie was killed by a group known as Death Eaters.

Two weeks after our planning.

Oh god she was dead.

Why her? Why was I not there?

These questions plagued me every minute of everyday. I couldn't stop feeling that I was supposed to be dead too.

"Earth to Algernon! Have you heard even a word of what I've said?" I turned to see that Sirius had moved to sit beside me, and from what I could gather, he had been talking to me for a while before I had taken notice of him.

"I'm sorry, what did you want Sirius?" My face must have looked as miserable as I felt because as soon as I spoke his mask of arrogance dropped to one of concern.

"Never mind that, are you ok?" This remark instantly drew curious glances from Peter and Remus. Even I was startled to hear that come from his smarmy mouth.

"I. I'm….fine."

Nice.

Could I sound any more ridiculous?HHH

"No your not, you just called me by my name."

"What are you going on about?"

"You called him Sirius, Maggie." Remus spoke while keeping his nose in his book.

"Oh, I..well…oh for goodness sake! That is your name isn't it?" I finally snapped at him.

So I used his name? We are given them for a reason!

Psh.

"That may be true love, but you have never used it once since I've known you. What's wrong?"

What's wrong!

If that stupid arse even knew.

"First off, don't call me love." I snapped, losing my patience. Well not that I ever had any with him. "Second, nothings wrong, I just wanted to enjoy the scenery without distraction. Why on earth do you care anyway?"

"I don't know, you seemed upset but," He said airily, making my blood boil. "I guess you really are just as boring as I thought you were."

"That's real mature Black, come up with that on your own?"

"Why can't you two ever be civil?" Remus had put his book down, and was looking at us straight on.

"Perhaps if _Black_ here had an ounce of tact or kindness we might have gotten on, but sadly that is not the case." I turned back to the window trying to block them out.

"Well, where is your friend? Did she decide you were a dull dud too? I always thought that it was strange that she was more fun than you being a Ravenclaw and all."

Angry tears escaped my eyes faster than I could have ever imagined. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW!!" I screamed at him as I grabbed his collar with a force I didn't know I possessed. Remus had jumped up and grabbed my waist, pulling me back.

Well tried to anyways.

I did play Quidditch.

"DON'T YOU DARE PRESSUME TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS! YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER YOU BASTARD!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but I felt Remus' arms stiffen around me as I shouted.

He some how managed to pull me off his mate, sitting me down on the seat. He knelt down in front of me and pulled my chin up to look into his eyes. I was crying so hard I could barely see him as I obeyed his hand.

"What do you mean 'how she was' Maggie? Where is Dorianne?" I looked away from his eyes then.

I couldn't look at him as I said the fatal words.

"She's dead." His hand immediately dropped from my chin. "She died three weeks ago, while we were on holiday with her family. They all died."

It was after I said those last words though that my hands began to tremble in my lap where they resided and I felt the familiar sensation of the walls closing in. Before I even thought about what I was doing, I jumped up and ran out of the compartment, letting instinct take me over. I had no idea where I could go but I didn't care as I let my feet guide me where they would.

OoOoOoOoO

"What the hell happened?" Lily shrieked as she entered the room where she had left her friend.

Sirius decided to speak up, against his better judgment. "She told us about Dorie, then she ran out and, well…..Peter and I tried to find her, but she seems to have hidden herself really well."

Lily did not miss the guilty tone that Sirius had inhabited in his explanation. "What did you say?"

"I asked her, essentially," He started slowly. "if her friend realized that she was a dull dud, and that she was more interesting than her." He looked at the ground as he spoke, encuring the wrath of Maggie was bad enough, and it was safe to say that he was not looking forward to Lily rampage as well.

Instead she ignored him, shocking everyone, and knelt down in front of the young werewolf. "Are you ok Remus?"

"I'll be fine." His voice betrayed his words though. "We should really try and find Maggie. She looked as if she might do herself harm. Lily, I'm worried more about her right now."

With this, Lily stood and addressed James. "You start at the end, Peter you stay here if she comes back. I will start at the front of the train and check the Loo's. Remus and Black, will you split the middle?"

"I am really sorry. I didn't know." Sirius spoke in a whisper, shocking even Lily with his tone.

"Maybe that's why you should keep your large mouth shut sometimes, but that doesn't matter now. Let's get a move on then." Lily moved out towards the front end, the marauders following her lead going to their starting points.

OoOoOoOoO

I had crouched down in the baggage room, hiding behind two trunks that were stacked on top of each other. I wormed my way in between them and the wall as if willing myself not to exist.

I cried then, letting out every emotion that I could, wanting to rid myself of the pain and nausea that was over riding my entire being. I don't know how long this lasted because for the first time in weeks. I had fallen asleep.

Not much later, when I came to, I felt an arm around me.

"Hey." I turned to none other than James Potter, looking at me with a cloud of concern hovering his brown eyes.

"Hey." I managed back.

What has happened to the universe?

"How did you find me? I thought that I had done an effective job at hiding myself?"

"A marauder doesn't usually give away his methods." He smiled at me with a glint of mischief. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity though, wondering what he might be up to.

"Alright, you were snoring." He admitted with a small smirk.

I felt my pale cheeks heat up to an amused looking James.

"Don't worry, I live with Remus most of the year and he snores loud enough to scare a hippogriff, you pale by comparison."

"Thank you for embarrassing me even further Potter."

"I thought that would make you feel better! Honestly, don't be embarrassed that you snore. I'm glad for it, if not for that I don't think anyone would have found you."

"Well, that _was_ the point." I spoke mechanically, hoping that he would leave before I exploded into tears again.

"Sirius told us what happened. Are you ok?"

I suddenly felt a rush of honesty come forth, something I was rather known for. "Do I bloody look ok?"

"Well, considering…you do actually look quite attractive."

I smiled despite myself.

"Please don't try your charms on me Potter. I'm immune." He laughed, and pulled me closer to him.

"You know, if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Why in the bloody hell are you being so nice to me?" Any other time I would have found this situation completely ridiculous, but somehow he was in fact comforting me.

Good Merlin…was the sky falling?

"I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know that if I lost any one of my mates I would want join them. I just hope that even though we give each other a hard time, you know that you're a friend to me. I mean we've known each other for almost seven years and……"

"Thank you." I turned into his shoulder and began to cry for what seemed to be the millionth time in weeks.

After I caught my breath, I told him everything. That I lived with Dorie and her family since second year and that I didn't have any parents around (even though I didn't go into detail as to why that was), and that I was gone the day that they were murdered.

I was sobbed the entire way through it, amazed that I was telling James Potter of all people.

When I finished my emotional tirade, I took a deep breath and looked at him, waiting for him to tell me how crazy I was.

"Do you feel any better?" He asked completely calm.

"Strangely, I do." I was a little shocked to find that I wasn't lying…for the first time in weeks.

"Well, I think its time that we told Lily that I found you. She was worried sick about you last I saw her."

"Thank you James." I could not believe I was saying this. "Thank you for listening."

"Hey, I'm not all bad like Lily says."

"You know what's funny; Dorie was always trying to convince her that you were a really great guy."

"Well, it's ironic that you would mention that." James had pulled himself up, and extended his hand to me, de-rooting me form my cocoon on the floor. "When the holiday first started, I got an owl from her explaining that I should try some new tactics to win our Lilykins over. She made some rather interesting remarks that kinda stuck with me."

"That's Dorianne for you, always in everyone's business" I snorted loudly thinking of my friend and her ability to use her excessive intellect to play match maker.

It was the first time the memory of her didn't make me cry.

"Before we get back to everyone, I want you to know that Sirius would never try to hurt you. He shouldn't have said what he did, but I know that he'll apologize." He paused uncertainly making me nervous. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be too hard on him."

"I won't be. To be honest I think that I should apologize to him and to Remus. They had no idea what was happening, and I regret telling them about Dorie the way that I did."

Later, but not much later, we entered the compartment where Remus, Lily, Sirius, and Peter were all waiting. Lily sprang up and wrapped me into a lung squashing hug.

"Lily I need to breathe!" I squeaked. She looked me up and down, assessing whether I had done any damage to myself.

"Here sit down, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you. I think I needed to be on my own for awhile." I looked across to see that Remus was staring out the window, while Sirius was looking right at me.

"Maggie, I don't know what to say. I…I mean that….." He paused, running a hand through his hair, looking at a loss for words.

"Are you trying to say sorry?"

"Yes." He looked relieved at my assistance, sighing as he spoke.

"Apology accepted Black." He looked taken aback as I accepted. "It's been known to happen! I'm not completely wretched, so wipe that look off your face." With that his mouth morphed into his trademark smirk.

Deciding that the tension in the room was unbearable, I was about to try and break the ice, but it would seem that Lily was ahead of me – as per usual.

"Hey Potter, Maggie wants to quit Quidditch this year."

"Lily!" I squeaked unattractively.

Great. Just bloody terrific.

Now everyone knows I sound like a ferret when taken by surprise.

"What?! You can't do that!" Sirius and James both spoke at the same time.

"Thanks a lot Lily!" I muttered lightly.

I was in for a long and boring lecture, of that I was sure.

* * *

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Love ya!

-Trisky


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